whatsinaname

Tiny little raindrops settled comfortably on my outstretched hand like a magic wand, the touch of the glistening hand, brought a smile on my face. As I clutched the slippery moment lest it wear away like sand, I realised that you had trailed far behind, failing to keep pace. When on a solitary evening the friendly breeze brushed by, Despite her busy schedule she kissed away a tear, she dropped a dollop of hope under the azure sky I looked around, to find you nowhere near. Towards the uncomplicated, freed from the tangles of complications, I plunged into a life well sorted, a life without you, and as I ushered in a new beginning, of dreams and aspirations, I found myself entangled in the presence of your absence, I found you.........

I wish I could introduce myself, but i do not have a name. Not yet. Lets put it this way, I traverse (not literally) through a path that would at the final bend transport me to the world of 'somebody' from the one of 'nobody. This journey you see is pretty interesting. It has its ups and downs. There are peaceful days when all I do is sleep, cocooned in warmth and love. Yet peace like all good things in life is short-lived and I encounter days when I am blanketed in screams, shouts, howls and noises of all sorts and kinds.  This reminds me of an incident that took place last week. I was getting ready for my afternoon siesta when i feel a sudden jolt! 'Its an earthquake!' I tell myself and try and relax. Then a second jolt, and a third! The wall around me is about to collapse I think. I pray for my dear life.  And then.......silence....... I thank Almighty God for keeping me alive. Alas little did i realise that this silence was like one before a storm. Some storm th...

A hundred thousand million people in the world do not write letters anymore and like them nor do I. I had a cell phone only in college. I did have a computer at home sans internet connection. The world of emails, chats, orkut, facebook etc did not enter my bedroom till the third year of college. I belonged to the simple world of letters prior to the technological intrusion. Yes communication was difficult, yet simple. The people who really mattered were not easily accessible and therefore I would make an extra effort to reach out to them. Communication then was not only on a tangible level, there was much more to it, reaching out was also telepathetic due to lack of adequate means. To most this probably makes no sense but I am sure there are some who would know what I am saying. Being nostalgic is almost like brushing teeth for me and therefore having been transported to the era of letters I couldnt help but write one, still without a paper and a pen, nevertheless a letter...... Dear ....

I thought i would write a poem today...yet the words seem dishevelled in my head. So doing what I do best- scribble. Its one of those days when life pulls you down and you let go because you are exhausted and do not want to fight to come up. Its one of those days when you  bury your tears deep deep deep, keep it under lock and key and yet a drop manages an escapade. Its one of those days when memories trample you.  I know tomorrow will not be today.......tomorrow I will rise again, walk again, laugh again. Tomorrow I will fight back- life, the tears, memories........ Yet today has carved a niche for itself amidst the many tomorrows.....

To my first music teacher......... You filled many a evenings with music and laughter and our small house in Vizag opened up a whole new world for me. I was only 8 or 9, and many a season has passed since then. Your 'tima' (thats what you called me) is a big girl now. But your 'Coffee houser shei adda' still rings in my ears. You are no more. But the music in me tells me you are around. I never got a chance to tell you then but Topon kaku I love you and I miss you........... To Bhai (My thakurda) Are you looking at me right now trying to read what I am writing, counting my spelling mistakes as you used to once. Hopefully that has improved though I could'nt do much about my bad handwriting Bhai. I know you thought I would'nt ever pass with it but I did! No one calls me Shonai anymore. No one brings packets of 'Little Hearts' for me. But that has not stopped me from waking you up in the middle of the night, complaining or crying about my life. That has not...

(I had written this poem for a friend on the 24th of May, 2008. However I couldnt come up with a title which deems fit for the poem. Any suggestion therefore is most welcome) Smiles, hills, a playground, friends, And then you fade away……………… A blue mist engulfs the years in between…….. As it clears, the morning shines And the bright lights blind my eyes, Dewdrops of the remnant smiles are sprinkled all around Amidst the gift-wrapped sunrays, its you my friend I found………

(must have written this a few years back) I see not a night dark, not a hair dark, not a black dark, not a coal dark.... all i see is the dark-nothing. My hands grapple for support, for help, for light, My hands filled with blood I cant see it- its dark-nothing, I scream and cry, blood, sweat, heat engulfs me... and then I see again, I breathe again, I stand again, I walk again. There is light, crazy light and I want to burn in the light. The light- my soul, not night soul, not evil soul, not dark soul. My soul-light... and in the light I see my body evaporating into the clear sky. I wake up- it was a dream. Yet far ahead in the darkness do I still see light? Light-my soul?

Far far away distanced by the unbidden oceans and endless seas, reaching out but not quite, cumbersome impossibilities... Yet amidst a crowd, when the solitude princess whispers in my ear,  the glistening remnants in my eyes reassure that you are near..